Wings Cancer Foundation

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
-Mary Fry

When silence overwhelms me and no one seems able to help,
I retreat to nature. There I rediscover God's healing in the whisper of the wind.
Though I still hurt, I know I will survive, for when I am in touch with the earth,
I am in touch with myself and my God.
-Kimo

In the middle of winter the buds prepare for spring.
Thank you God for unceasing life.

The dull, brown stalks of spent hydrangeas mirror my spent spirit. Yet green and blue and pink colors dance in my mind's eye for the spring
within and without about to come.

I feel your presence in pealing cathedral bells, in insistent cawing crows, in intricate yellow petals of January forsythia, in new growth heralding coming spring.

Thank you God for hope.
-Marian Wright Edelman

When tears come, I breathe deeply and rest
I know I am swimming in a hallowed stream where many have gone before.
I am not alone, crazy, or having a nervous breakdown. . .
My heart is at work, my soul is awake.
-Mary Margaret Funk
From Thoughts Matter: The Practice of Spiritual Life

Death is not the end.
Death can never be the end.

Death is the road.
Life is the traveler.
The Soul is the Guide.

Our mind thinks of death.
Our heart thinks of life
Our soul thinks of Immortality.
Sri Chinmoy

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being,
the more joy you can contain.
-Kahlil Gibran

In this sad world of our, sorrow comes to all . . .
Perfect relief is not possible, except with time.
You cannot now realize that you will ever feel better . . .
and yet this is a mistake - you are sure to be happy again.
-Abraham Lincoln

Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in time of sorrow.
-Robert Louis Stevenson

In the depths of winter, I finally realized that deep within me
there lay an Invincible summer.
-Albert Camus

Give sorrow words.
The grief that does not speak whispers the o'er fraught heart,
and bids it break.
-William Shakespeare

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life,
your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
and you would accept the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
-Kahlil Gibran

Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief
that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain.
What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain.
-Kahlil Gibran

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.
The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.
-Norman Vincent Peale

What the caterpillar calls the end,
the rest of the world calls a butterfly.
-Lao Tsu

God of life, there are days when the burdens we carry
chafe our shoulders and wear us down;
when the road seems dreary and endless, the skies gray and threatening;
when our lives have no music in them and our hearts are lonely,
and our souls have lost their courage.
Flood the path with light, we beseech you;
turn our eyes to where the skies are full of promise.
-St. Augustine

In the hour of adversity be not without hope . . .
for crystal rain falls from black clouds.
-Persian poem

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
-Christina Rossetti

Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
-Kahlil Gibran

As a rose can't live without the rain, so a heart can't live without risk of pain.
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
-Charles Beard

Joy is a return to the deep harmony of body, mind and spirit that was yours
at birth and that can be yours again; that openness to love, that capacity for wholeness with the world around you, is still within you.
-Deepak Chopra

To everything there is a season,
and a time for every purpose under the heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plan, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, a time to speak
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace.
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Sonnet XLIII

How do I love thee? - Let me count the ways!
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sights
For the ends of Being and Ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right, -
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise !
I love thee with the passion, put to use
In my old griefs, . . and with my childhood's faith!-
I love thee with the love I seemed to lose
With my lost Saints! - I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I am standing upon that foreshore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength and I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, ‘There! She's gone!' ‘Gone where?' ‘Gone from my sight, that's all'. She is just as large in mast and spar and hull as ever she was when she left my side; just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of her destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at that moment when someone at my side says, ‘There! She's gone!' there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, ‘Here she comes!' And that is dying.
-Victor Hugo

Love is life. All, all that I understand, I understand only because I love. All is, all exists only because I love. All is bound up in love alone. Love is God, and dying means for me a particle of love, to go back to the universal and eternal source of love.
-Leo Tolstoy

You touched my life
And turned my heart around.
It seems when I found you
It was me I really found.
You opened my eyes
And now my soul can see
Our moments may be over,
Of just you here with me.

Love lives on beyond Goodbye
The truth of us will never die.
Our spirits will shine
Long after we've gone,
And so our love lives on.

There was so much
I didn't understand
When you brought me here
Far from where we all began.
The changes you made
To my life will never end.
I'll look across the distance
And know I have a friend.

Love lives on beyond Goodbye
The truth of us will never die.
Our spirits will shine
Long after we've gone,
And so our love lives on.

And so our love lives on.
-Anonymous

What, I pray you, is dying? Just what it is to put off a garment. For the body is about the soul as a garment; and after laying this aside for a short time by means of death, we shall resume it again with the more splendour.
-St. John Chrysostom

In a harbour, two ships sailed: one setting forth on a voyage, the other coming home to port. Everyone cheered the ship going out, but the ship sailing in was scarcely noticed. To this, a wise man said, ‘Do not rejoice over a ship setting out to sea, for you cannot know what terrible storms it may encounter and what fearful dangers it may have to endure. Rejoice rather over the ship that has safely reached port and brings its passengers home in peace.'

And this is the way of the world: When a child is born, all rejoice; when someone dies, all weep. We should do the opposite. For no one can tell what trials and travails await a newborn child; but when a mortal dies in peace, we should rejoice, for he has completed a long journey, and there is no greater boon than to leave this world with the imperishable crown of a good name.
-From The Talmud

Sonnet X

Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so,
For those, whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me;
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and souls delivery.
Thou art slave to Fate, change, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy, or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more, death, thou shalt die.
-John Donne

RESURRECTION

Long, long, long ago,
Way before this winter's snow,
First fell upon these weathered fields;
I used to sit and watch and feel
And dream of how the spring would be,
When through the winter's stormy sea
She'd raise her green and growing head,
Her warmth would resurrect the dead.

Long before this winter's snow
I dream of this day's sunny glow
And thought somehow my pain would pass
With winter's pain, and peace like grass
Would simply grow. The pain's not gone.
It's still as cold and hard and long
As lonely pain has ever been,
It cuts so deep and far within.

Long before this winter's snow
I ran from pain, looked high and low
For some fast way to get around
Its hurt and cold. I'd have found,
If I had looked at what was there,
That things don't follow fast or fair.
That life goes on, and times do change,
And grass does grow despite life's pains.

Long before this winter's snow
I thought that this day's sunny glow,
The smiling children and growing things
And flowers bright were brought by spring.
Now, I know the sun does shine,
That children smile, and from the dark, cold, grime
A flower comes. It groans, yet sings,
And through its pain, its peace begins.
-Mary Ann Bernard

REGRET NOT ME

Regret not me;
Beneath the sunny tree
I lie uncaring, slumbering peacefully.
Swift as the light
I flew my faery flight;
Ecstatically I moved, and feared no night.
I did not know
That heydays fade and go.
But deemed that what was would be always so.
I skipped at morn
Between the yellowing corn,
Thinking it good and glorious to be born.
I ran at ewes
Among the piled-up sheaves,
Dreaming, ‘I grieve not, therefore nothing grieves.'
Now soon will come
The apple, pear, and plum,
And hinds will sing, and autumn insects hum.
Again you will fare
To cider-makings rare,
And junketings; but I shall not be there.
Yet gaily sing
Until the pewter ring
Those songs we sang when we went gipsying.
And lightly dance
Some triple-timed romance
In coupled figures, and forget mischance;
And mourn not me
Beneath the yellowing tree;
For I shall mind not, slumbering peacefully.
Thomas Hardy

CROSSING THE BAR

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out for sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
To full for sound and foam
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;

For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar.
-Alfred, Lord Tennyson

PSALM 23

THE LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures,
He leadeth me beside the still waters,
He restoreth my soul.
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil:
for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me
in the presence of mine enemies:
Thou anointest my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

The great tragedy of life is not death, but what dies inside us while we live.
-Norman Cousins

Though lovers be lost, love shall not.
-Dylan Thomas

FOR YOU,
Let the dreams that are gone sleep fast my love,
Let the tears and fears of yesterday's storm,
For the darkness you saw is past my love,
So smile and a new day is born.
The seasons of life will go on my love,
And the sails of your ship may be torn,
But the secrets beneath your feet my love,
Are the flowers that are yet to be born.
Let the tears that you shed fall sweet my love,
For the pain goes and rainbows come without warning.
All the seasons will surely return my love
And new life will be born in the dawning.
Anonymous

Then, sing ye birds, sing, sing a joyous song!
And let the young lambs bound
As to the tabor's sound!
We in thought will join your throng,
Ye that pipe and ye that play,
Ye that through your hearts to-day
Feel the gladness of the May!
What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower,
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind -
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be,
In the soothing thoughts that spring
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.
-William Wordsworth

In the rising of the sun and in its going down,
we remember them.
In the glowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,
we remember them.
In the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring,
we remember them.
In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer,
we remember them.
In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn,
we remember them.
In the beginning of the year and when it ends,
we remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength,
we remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart,
we remember them.
When we have joys we yearn to share,
we remember them.
So long as we live, they too shall live,
for they are now a part of us, as
we remember them.
-Judaism

They are not dead who live in lives they leave behind. In those whom they
have blessed they live a life again.
-Doris Kearns Goodwin

Blessed are those who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.
-The Beautitudes

TESTAMENT

How can I live without you? - she cried.
I left all the world to you when I died:
Beauty of earth and air and sea;
Leap of a swallow or a tree;
Kiss of rain and wind's embrace;
Passion of storm and winter's face;
Touch of feather, flower, and stone;
Chiseled line of branch of bone;
Flight of stars, night's caravan;
Song of crickets - and of man -
All these I put in my testament,
All these I bequeathed to you
When I went.

But how can I see them without your eyes
Or touch them without your hand?
How can I hear them without your ear,
Without your heart, understand?

These too, these too
I leave to you!
-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

A RESTORED BUTTERFLY FOR WY

I sit here trying to understand why,
The time came and you used your wings to fly
I know that the circle of life includes a move
It seems that the move came so very soon.

O sweet Butterfly wrapped in pretty pains,
Did you get a call to be with the Saints?
O lovely Butterfly with wings of flight,
I wish I could see you this night.

Oh Restored Butterfly, no matter how I try,
I can't stop thinking and I just have to cry
But you know I love to see you fly,
You are a Restored Butterfly for Wy.
- Wyvonia Woods Harris

I hear you stumbling for words.
Relax. There are no words . . .
I hear you remembering a funny story about my loved one
and looking embarrassed because you are laughing.
Share with me. Let me laugh.
It gives me something to hold on to in the middle of the night when
I feel only pain . . .
Be your happy self . . . and let me be me.
On days when I can laugh, I will.
On days when I can speak of my loved one,
I need you to share my memories . . .
You don't have to give me answers,
for I will learn to live without them.
You don't have to pretend my loved one never existed,
thinking I will forget if you do.
Let me speak my loved one's name, and you speak it too.
(The one I love so deeply is always there), always part of who I am.
If you take that from me, I will be less than who I am.
-When Someone Close Dies
Care Notes